Life never seems to slow down

By Andrew

Well school is back in session, and the sleepless nights have started. Hopefully I will update my blogs more often now, but I think I will concentrate on just one, echolabs.org

Check it out.

Who am I?

By Andrew

I am not the man I used to be
I am not the man I want to be
I am a particle in a sea of atoms
A dead pixel in a screen of millions
I am not seen unless closely looked upon
From far away I have no effect on the big picture
Forgotten about on a daily basis
Remembered only for the bad
A waste of energy and power
The information is presented
But I just don’t “get it”
I see what is given infront of me
But I cannot interpret the signal

Everyday I am reminded of the past….

By Andrew

We had a pretty tight click in highschool… We were all really good friends, always were hanging out with each other… Then we all graduated. Most of us went our seperate ways, a few stayed in touch… Or at least thats what I saw from my point of view… Everyday now I see that I was wrong, that tight click we had, its still there, but I am no longer apart of it.

Ghosted.

Ya its 4am and I can’t sleep

By Andrew

And this is gonna be one of those “post” so if you don’t feel like reading about me venting just “go ahead and mosey along now, nothing to see here” – Twitter

I don’t get it… I try to be a nice person, help others out, ya I know they don’t always need it but I figure “hey why not might as well maybe it will make their day better”. What do I get for helping somebody out? Bitched at. I mean really? WTF? There’s like this brick wall with one side being pre summer and the summer of 2006, other side being post summer 2006 to present. Alot of shit went down that summer that I will never forget (even though I really wish I could just forget it and wipe it out of my memory). I had this group of friends I used to be really close with before that summer and now most of them either straight up hate me, or choose to simply not talk to me anymore (or in some cases make up excuses to not talk to me). I’ve been trying to reconnect with these people since pre summer 2006 was some of the best years of my life, and its all going to shit once again.

I just feel like my life is an extremely inefficient machine: I put in all this work and keep doing more and more and more and in return I get basically nothing out of the whole thing. I feel like an outcast, like I really dont belong here in the first place…

Problem is, I don’t know where else to go anymore.

Okay, Im done.

-Andrew aka echoskope

Sometimes I forget to appreciate the things that I have

By Andrew

Just been thinking the past few days. I always see my life as to what I could have done or could be doing, not what I have. I am having a hard time in school right now, because I know what I want to do after I graduate and most of the things I am learning right now won’t apply to that. I also seem to always want something new, something to put me ahead of the game, ahead of the crowd. But recent ally, I have been considering how much I already have, and I take for granted each day. I have life, I have a soul, I have a roof to cover my head, there are people know my name, I have all these fantastic things, my recording equipment, my computer, my cell phone, alot of things other people don’t have and wish they did. Yet I go day by day taking these things for granted, and always wanting something else. I am greedy, this has come into my light. I don’t want to be that way though, i don’t want to be the guy who never does anything for anybody else. I don’t want to be the jerk that nobody wants to work with.

Honestly, I think alot of it has to do with losing myself a few years ago. I started to live a faux life…. Doing things I normally wouldn’t have done, hanging out with people I never would have hung out with. I lost myself in all of this, and after it all just disappeared one day (and it was literally one day) I didn’t know where the real me had gone. This was about 2 1/2 years ago, and just now, I am beginning to find the real me again. I have started to get these feelings that are strange, yet comforting all at the same time. I am starting to find myself becoming more interested in the things I like, and not what others like so I can be in the “crowd”.

I think the real me is coming back.

-Andrew

Another one of those nights….

By Andrew

Nothing too exciting is going on… Pretty boring…. I wish I had more of a life, not necessarily a social life, just a life in general. All I do is work and talk to “friends” online. I wish I could do something more productive with my time. I am starting to uncover the real mean again. It has been hidden for many years, and I thought I had lost it for good, but it seems to be comming back.

I went shopping at walmart today. I had a few things on my list that didn’t cost much, and ended up spending upwards of $180…. ouch…. but I did get some new clothing, which was very welcomed. I have never really seen myself as a plaid kinda guy, but the idea is starting to grow on me. We’ll just have to sit back and see where this goes.

I think everybody has somebody in their life that they either have already taken out of or are trying to. Well for me that person is my ex gf. Ya ya, I know, just move on right? Well its not that easy. I deleted numbers, deleted pictures, rid my life of everything that reminded me of her, except one thing, my job. And FINALLY I have gotten the juevos to quit. Finally. Thank GOD.

Other than that, I have started to lose weight, not really because I want to. It just kinda sorta started to happen. Pretty sure its because I have stopped eating, well not completely, but I only eat about 1 meal a day aka every 24 hours. I don’t really know why, but I guess I can’t complain too much.

Hmm other than that, the new church is going alright. It’s kind of “out there” on some of the beliefs, but over all I don’t mind. Yes, you read correctly, I am going to chruch. Amazing huh? I decided I needed something to base my life off of, kind of like a foundation for a house.

Well other than that, I guess its time for me to go get my meal for the day.

-Ghosted.

Worst week ever….

By Andrew

Lets start by listing the things that has made this week the worst week in my life so far:

1) Finals week at school
2) One of our cats has mysteriously disappeared and has yet to be found
3) We had a duplex planned out and were going to sign the lease today, only to find out its already been sold.

Lets start with 1. Its finals week, this has been one of the worst semesters I have had so far here at UCO. I just out of my Calculus 3 final (which, thank God it was my last test) and I know I did bad on. I have gotten lost in all of my classes, and didn’t keep up on the homework. I am so tired of school I want to just quit and go work full time allowing me to be financially secure (opposed to living like I do now, not knowing if I am going to have enough money to get gas to get work, or money to buy food with). Maybe I need a semester or two off to go and find myself again and get my mind back, because as of right now I have lost it.

Number 2. We have 2 cats, Roxy and Vegas. One morning I awoke and did my normal morning routine. Usualy Vegas is sitting on the stairs outside my bedroom and I give him a few pets before I go take my shower. Well the other morning he wasn’t there, which I didn’t find to be alarming just yet since he might have been down stairs with one of my other roommates. Well about mid afternoon I still had yet to see him, and started asking my roommates if they had seen him. They said he was around earlier that day but hadn’t seen him recentally. We started looking for him and CANNOT find him anywhere. Only one person had went out through the door that day and they claimed they had seen him after that person had left. So as of now we have NO IDEA where he is, or if he is even still alive.

Number 3. My lease is up December 21st. I need a place to live. Me and the 2 guys that I was planning on living with had found a duplex last week that we were interested in. We viewed it a few times, looked around alittle more, and finally decided to sign the papers. We set a date and time, today at 1:30pm. One of my future roommates got a call this morning. The lady we had been dealing with told us her husband had sold the duplex that night before, and we couldn’t do anythin about it. HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT. So now I am, yet again, homeless after december 21st.

All this on top of the fact that I feel like shit and will hopefully get a chance to go to the doctor today and get some meds.

I want to shoot a gun. a big gun. and go work out. and drive 100 mph.

I want to get out of here.

-ghosted.

As a species, we are always changing…

By Andrew

And I am no exception to this. I have recentally found my curiosity to be growing when it comes to religion. For the longest time I have felt like there has been this brick wall keeping me from seeing all I wanted to see, but it seems day by day another brick is taken away, revealing more and more about God and the concept of a religious belief. I  find myself having a reason for everything that is happening around me. I have this feeling like, as many would say, it is happening for a reason.

I bring this insight to you because today I was comming home from studying at Panera when I needed to stop by 711 for some fuel. I pull up, turn the car off, and fuel up my car, like any other normal time. This time I get back in my car to go home and my car doesn’t start. Of course the obivious go through my head like “Is the battery dead?” but the answer to all of them are “no”. So what else could explain this happening to me? I don’t see any reason for my car, out of the blue, to do this. So as I am sitting in the parking lot of 711 trying to think of things to do to maybe get it to start one more time to get home, I start thinking of what might be the reason behind this happening…

So I finally come to the conclusion that it is some kind of sign, it must be! Funny how my fourtune cookie the other night said something along the lines of “Something will happen in your life that will make it more exciting.”… I hope this wasn’t what it was talking about. So now I am left here to think of what this could possibly mean. What is the message that is trying to be given to me? Do I not need a car? Do I not need to rely on objects to get me where I need to go? Do I not need to travel in order to find the things I need? Is all I need within me?

These unanswered questions will be on my mind for quite some time. As for now, I must look at what I have at hand, and make due, which, as much as it sucks, I might have to walk to school for the next few days.

Then again, I could use the exercise

As the world rotates and gravity keeps us together, may the speed of light and the energy of the sun keep us all warm and allow us to make our planet a better place.

-Andrew

Gov Project…

By Andrew

Tis the start of the weekend, or is it the start of something great?!?!?

By Andrew

Well well well, yet again the end of the week is here for us all to enjoy. Let me catch you up (if anybody really DOES read this ) on what has been going on. Last night I ordered a TON of electronic stuff (like the stuff you build computers with and what not) to help start my workbench for when I get into R&D (research and developemnt). I am really excited to get hands on and start applying what I have learned the past year or so. Lets see, oh yes, I have a project I need to start working on for my American Govn’t class. We have to do something that is with political music or video. I think what I plan on doing is a music video with my own song that I am hoping to compose this weekend and try to record at least a part of it. Let me give you an idea of what I have in my head:

So it all starts out with my group members and myself speaking the beginning to the Constitution. We will only do so much of it, but the video will be mimicing some commericals I have seen on TV (where somebody starts saying a sentence and then the camera cuts over to somebody else continuing on with it and so forth). For the music of this I have written a piano melody that I plan on having in the background. After we get done with that I want some acoustic guitar and drums to enter the mix and the piano beat to change up a little. Then the lyrics to the song come in place and we will prob end the song just like we began it, except with some different spoken text. During the body of the song, I want the video in black and white, and I want it to kinda be like a “behind the scenes” type shot where it shows us recording the music and recording the vocal parts. I think I want to use some green screen for this so I could, for example, record myself playing the piano or the guitar player sitting down and playing and place us in the middle of a field or something (alot of these ideas are comming from a guy on youtube that has made some amazing videos using animation and green screening techniques, I will include a link at the end of the blog).

Well, thats the “in a nutshell” version of what I plan on doing. I hope it doesn’t take us too long to get it all done, I think the editing is going to take us the longest.

“If only we had ESP then you would see the world through my eyes.”

http://www.youtube.com/user/lassegg